Welcome to Jester's Trek.
I'm your host, Jester. I've been an EVE Online player for about six years. One of my four mains is Ripard Teg, pictured at left. Sadly, I've succumbed to "bittervet" disease, but I'm wandering the New Eden landscape (and from time to time, the MMO landscape) in search of a cure.
You can follow along, if you want...

Thursday, January 19, 2012

All hail J! All hail J!

And now an important message from Jester's evil twin, Garth.  The opinions of Garth are not the opinions of Jester (unless they are).

There are so few heroes left in the world.

In a world that has moved long past corrupt police, politicians, and court houses to pedophile priests and parents that murder their own children because those children interfere with the real need to party, it's so hard to find a paragon of true evil any more.  Some of you may ask, "Garth, you true Pillar of Evil, to whom do you look up to?  Who inspires you?"

And I would answer: the hard-working men and women of the Goonswarm Intelligence Agency, and indeed, anyone who infiltrates an organization for fun and profit.

Of course, I have never read a GIA manual on how to infiltrate organizations, but I can guess how it starts.  You appear to have useful skills and knowledge.  You impress those that hire you with these skills, your laid-back manner and good humor, and your willingness to relocate to some distant area.  Once there, you take on the really unsexy jobs that nobody else wants to tackle.  Naive idiots like Jester might say that you should be measured by those that hire you on results, not effort, but that's just fucking stupid.  Instead, strive to be compared to how things looked before you got there: i.e., make sure you're measured in comparison to a time when nothing was done with this thankless work.

Over time, you expand your influence and you're put in charge of larger efforts.  Test your influence by getting your new corp to spend a lot of ISK on some hardware that you don't really intend to do anything with.  Just see if they'll buy the things you ask them to buy; you can later say that you don't have the resources to put this hardware to any actual use.  As your responsibilities grow, you'll also need to recruit some evil minions.  It's not necessary to refer to your evil minions as a Task Force or give them a cool four-letter acronym, but you get extra style points if you do.

Make sure that the really important stuff all flows through your hands, though!  If someone makes obvious suggestions about how this responsibility should be spread across a larger effort with more people, you should definitely let them know that such things do not scale well.  If people start to tell you about rumors that you're skimming off the top, you should tell them not to rely too much on anecdotal evidence.  Transparency is also obviously to be avoided whenever possible.  Be sure to make it clear that releasing raw data without context would make the data meaningless.

And if, God forbid, someone actually challenges you to provide results, or shows you that things that are being accomplished in other corps but not in yours, you should absolutely curb-stomp that person for their temerity.  Brook no opposition to the way you want to do things.  Buzz-words and bullshit are always your best weapons, of course, but don't be afraid to bully those that suspect your true nature into submission if need be.

You spies should remember this: your best measure of success is that those you're spying on have no indication that anything untoward is happening.

This kind of evil truly inspires me.  It's a pity that nobody's ever applied these tactics in real life.  Imagine if you could use these tactics to make real life money without providing any real results to show for it... say, by getting yourself hired by CCP!


The preceding has been an important message from Jester's evil twin, Garth.  The management apologizes to any and all whom Garth may have offended.  He should really apply Preparation H to his mouth, given what comes out of it.


  1. Recently a local woman, who had been working at a company for over ten years, was arrested for skimming over ten million dollars from the company during her employment. The first thing I thought of when the news broke, was Corporate Infiltration in Eve.

    While I have never done it myself, I have been a part of two Corporations that it was done to. One of them twice by the same person! Don't ask. Luckily I was not a part of the command structure back in those days.

  2. People use these tactics all the time in real life. We call the Politians.

  3. Garth, I agree with you...after all, didn't some little german asshat with a mustache pull this same trick roundabout 1939?

  4. Why CPP? There are cats much more fat around. Banks for instance.

  5. one of the core ideas of this particular "political party" is to screw as many as possible's good time/game as possible, yet 2+2 continues to equal 5 to most people.

  6. And make sure you test the devotion of your corporation too, by doing such things as making a statement "we need X, because Y won't work" in public today, then some time later tell everyone, "we need Y, because X won't work".

    Anyone who pulls you up on your flip-flopping is to be immediately targeted for public ridicule for their sperging in public. Ideally, discover some hidden stash of materials that have been going missing for the last six months or so. Or suspicious transactions in their wallet which are connected to that spy you have in the enemy alliance.

  7. Unfortunately, there is some basis of truth in the belief that what we encourage in our games tends to bleed into how we act in RL.

    As an employer, would I hire Mittens as an employee in any position of responsibility? Sorry to say - probably not.

    Sure, you can say this isn't fair. He might be exceptionally skilled and 100% responsible in RL, a leader in the church, an Eagle scout, and all that... but, in all honesty, there would always be justifiable doubt based on how he chooses to conduct himself in his leisure time.

    For the record, I wouldn't hire someone who cheats at cards, either.

    Cheats, lies and deception are just not something you simply log on and off. Once you tread down that path, it is very difficult to reverse, as it becomes a part of your RL character, too.

    1. Shows you are no employer. Many would gladly hire people like Mittens. Obviously he has great leadership skills.

  8. @Anonymous,

    I agree 100%. Most people would give some sort of logical fallacy revolving around '...it's just a game, it's not real, etc....'
    However, you're point is dead-on when you say "...He might be exceptionally skilled and 100% responsible in RL, a leader in the church, an Eagle scout, and all that... but, in all honesty, there would always be justifiable doubt based on how he chooses to conduct himself in his leisure time."

    There are lots of people who put on one face (false) to carry out the 'normal' duties of their day-to-day, and another face (most likely to be true) when they're in their leisure time. It happens all the time, in RL and in some cases actually makes the news...

  9. Conversely, if you hadn't played Eve, you would have assumed that everyone, including your new hire, is basically trustworthy until conclusively proven otherwise, which is dangerous thinking in the real world.

  10. Well Mittens was a lawyer or what-have-you, so it was probably a benefit. (apologies to honest hardworking lawyers)

  11. Not Mittens. Screegs

  12. Darius JOHNSON: shitty, ineffective CEO; shitty, ineffective security guy

  13. I read your post and initially I did not see what you were saying between the lines. I read it and re-read it to no avail...

    Suddenly, it dawned on me that the application of Reynolds Wrap might be in order.

    Much better! I see now.

    So what you are saying is that GIA may be poised to pull a scam the likes of which the gaming community has never seen.

    An in-game group that has as its mantra "ruin Eve" has infiltrated the out of game corporation that makes Eve:Online in furtherance of its stated goal.

    In order to ruin the game they would have to position themselves carefully. They couldn't just be part of the company in, say, customer service.

    They would have to have to have the ability to have their "finger on the pulse" or maybe it is more accurate to say "knife on the artery" of the company.

    For that they would have to get themselves into positions like security and lead game design...

    That might not be enough though, any move that they made against the corporation could be countered by the good-will and patience of the player-base.

    An American politician once said “never let a crisis go to waste”; enter The Mittani.

    As CCP began to flounder under the weight of its own mistakes, a lapse in security (wink wink) facilitated some leaks which inflamed the players.

    CCP looked desperately for a way to quench the flames. As drowning person will reach for anything to try to keep them afloat, so too did CCP reach out to Mittens.

    Mittens put out the flames, but at a cost, he now has the ear of a significant portion of the player base. CCP crosses him at their own peril, a blog from him could cost the company thousands of subs.

    Goons have the perfect trifecta…security, game design and demagogue with a cult-like following. Their people are in place all they need now is to pull the plug.

    Guiding Hand Social Club eat your heart out…

    Shit, the damned tin foil just fell off my head…what was I saying? Oh nevermind…about your blog post...what's your point?

    1. Remember Kiddos, this 'might' be considered tinfoilhattery elsewhere... but in eve, paranoia isn't a mental illness, it's a survival trait.

      I'm glad I'm not the only one for which 2+2 finally equals 4

  14. Aww i read the title and thought Garth was going to run for CSM :( :(


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