Welcome to Jester's Trek.
I'm your host, Jester. I've been an EVE Online player for about six years. One of my four mains is Ripard Teg, pictured at left. Sadly, I've succumbed to "bittervet" disease, but I'm wandering the New Eden landscape (and from time to time, the MMO landscape) in search of a cure.
You can follow along, if you want...

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Song of Spite and Conspire

As we wait for the CSM December Summit minutes -- most of them are now in CCP's hands being approved -- I thought it would be fun to compare the current CSM to Game of Thrones characters.  Some very minor GoT spoilers might be found below, though I tried to keep it to a minimum...

(And please keep in mind that I like and respect a lot of these people.  This is all in good fun.  ;-) )


The Mittani: King Aerys Targaryen, "the Mad King".  He's dead now.  He went completely insane at some point before our story begins.  He was murdered by Jamie Lannister, "the Kingslayer" (CCP Xhagen, in a guest role).  After his death, was replaced by...

Seleene: King Robert Baratheon, "the Usurper."  He's King of Westeros, not that you can tell.  Relies on the members of the Small Council to do all the actual work.  When anything of any importance happens, he's usually off in the forest somewhere instead of dealing with it.  He occasionally turns up and reminisces about the past... but that's about all he's good for.  You'd think he'd just abdicate, but no.  He's the King, damn it, as he'll remind you when the subject comes up.  But he's getting progressively slower and more remote as time goes on.  Everyone else is pretty much waiting for him to keel over, particularly...

Two step: Renly Baratheon, member of the Small Council.
  "Hey guys!  Look at me: I smell terrific!  I mean, look at me: I look like a king, right?  I've got the shiny hat!  I've got the cool clothes and a big sword, and lots of people willing to do my bidding.  Obviously, I must be king.  What do you mean I need more experience?  What do you mean, I've got to show actual leadership qualities first?  What do you mean, kings have to listen to the unwashed masses?  Kings tell other people what to think.  Why is it getting so dark in this tent all of a sudden?"

Hans Jagerblitzen: Petyr Baelish, Master of Coin, member of the Small Council.  One of the smartest, most publicly pleasant guys around.  He's going a long way toward keeping the whole thing running.  As a result, he's serving the same function for the king that a lamp-post serves for a drunk.  He knows everything that's going on and to his credit, keeps the secrets of the realm.  He could pull the whole mess down around everyone's ears whenever he wanted to but doesn't do that, either.  Instead, sticks to running things behind the scenes.  But as a result, he's in real danger of being perceived as a cynic.  Probably realizes that he has neither the power nor the inclination to ascend to the throne himself but honestly, who would want that? 

Trebor Daehdoow: Tyrion Lannister.  He's the true cynic of the group, built up only after years of experience of being looked down upon by "better people."  Eventually gets suckered into doing most of the work -- which he does quite well! -- but often gets little to none of the credit for doing it.  Operates by his own code of honor and looks upon the work of most of the others with a quiet resigned amusement.  Is one of the few people that would actually be comfortable sitting on the Iron Throne but will almost certainly never win it.

Alekseyev Karrde: Stannis Baratheon, member of the Small Council.  Honorable, smart, hard-working.  And pisses off many of the people around him to the point where they can hardly stand to be around the guy.  Brooding and humorless, he has a mercurial temper that can flare at the slightest provocation.  Would cut off the fingers of his closest ally if honor demanded it.  Serves some kind of heathen god that nobody else understands, and sometimes issues demands at the whim of that god, ignoring input from others.  Acts like the king, but it's kind of important for a king to be at least semi-likable.

Issler Dainze: Cersei Lannister.  Sort of living proof that some people who desire power shouldn't be given it under any circumstances.  She's easily angered, lashes out at perceived enemies -- real or not -- and holds grudges.  Oh my, does she hold them.  Treats her allies and her enemies with equal scorn.  There aren't a lot of people who care to spend too much time in her presence.(1)

Meissa Anunthiel: Lyssa Stark.  She's dead now, and under very mysterious circumstances.  She was important to some of our key players a long time ago, particularly the King and the Hand, and might have been important to the story once.  But today?  You can safely ignore references to her.

Elise Randolph: Lord Varys, Master of Whisperers, member of the Small Council.  Probably the smartest of the players involved, but keeps his own counsel.  Represents an organization whose major industry is spying on others.  He knows where all the bodies are buried, and might even use that information to get ahead if that was his aim.  He's a master of disguise, and can change his appearance to match his needs.  Few of the other players care for him much, and the feeling seems to be mutual... but you're not sure.  Definitely has his own agenda, but that agenda appears to have limited scope in areas where he's an expert.  Otherwise he's invisible... until he appears right behind you.

Greene Lee: Walder Frey.  He's operating under the impression that just because you represent a lot of people, that alone makes you important.  A member of a power base that should be a lot more careful about their actions because they're... you know... surrounded by hostiles.  As his power base crumbles, you can safely ignore him unless you cross him somehow.

Kelduum Revaan: Eddard Stark, Hand of the King, member of the Small Council.  Honorable and hard-working for the causes he thinks are just, he came to King's Landing with a specific agenda.  Which has failed, partially due to his own missteps, partially due to the machinations of those around him.  Everyone seems to respect his past history, but nobody seems to respect his goals.  Chances are pretty damn good that's gonna cost him his head...

UAxDEATH: Sandor Clegane, "the Hound".  Taciturn and brutal, but not without compassion.  He's a man of few words, and few sympathies to those whose situation is not like his own.  But very few have cause to deal with him, and he goes out of his way not to deal with others.  Occasionally indulges in self-destructive behavior.

Dovinian: Edmure Tully.  On paper, he represents an important, respected faction in the realm.  But he represents that power because there was nobody better around to do it instead.  As a result, few within his own faction respect him, so he doesn't command anything like the amount of power he probably should.  He stays quietly in the background and few worry about what he thinks.  Those few actions he does take are often rash or impulsive.

Darius III: Theon Greyjoy.  Callow, arrogant, and always smiling whether he has reason to or not.  Receives only mockery and scorn from all sides... and with good reason.  Ignores advice and does whatever he wants to do, ignoring the effect on others.  His only real actions are stupidly destructive to no real purpose.  You kind of hope he'll get flayed.


One more time, consider this a written political cartoon, not my true feelings about anyone involved.  But it was fun to think about and write.  ;-)


(1) Don't take the GoT character reference farther than this, because the analogy stops working.

23 comments:

  1. I might be unique in my postion, but I view Game of Thrones as a Death Match where I hope everyone dies and the arena catches fire. That being said I wish everyone above a particularly virulent strain of ass cancer. May your ego and your hubris ultimately prove to be the undoing of all you care about.

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    1. You're not the only one who has similar views on the show.

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    2. Another reason why it makes a good comparison with the CSM.

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  2. Jester needs to get a girlfriend, or a boyfriend.. whatever floats your boat.

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  3. I have people who do my bidding? Since when?

    Hans is very excited about this post, but I am like the one person in EVE who hasn't watched GoT

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    1. I think he just called you gay, bro. But to be fair, everyone was fucking somebody strange on that show. Issler fucked her brother (played by Xhagen). Seleene fucked a witch who than gave birth to a demon. Hans was a pimp who smacked women around when they got unruly. The only one not fucking anyone was Elise, who had his junk cut off. Being the gay CSM member is hardly the least weird one of the bunch. Consider it a compliment. :)

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    2. LOL! I was specifically trying to avoid who was screwing who, to the point where I said that you shouldn't carry the analogy for some characters too far. ;-)

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    3. By this standard, Tyrion is by far the most normal guy on the list. And like me in real life, he is in love with a beautiful woman whose only apparent flaw is her horrible taste in men.

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  4. Love it, especially Kelduum as Ned.

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    1. I'm from the North, and have the right accent (not that I use it).

      (The) Winter (Expansion) Is Coming...

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  5. And who is Jester in this context? Naturally, this question is for others to answer.

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    1. Jester is Jon Snow. That bastard out in the wilderness who keeps yelling at King's Landing that, hey guys, there's some serious issues over here that need dealing with sooner rather than later...

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    2. Maester Aemon comes to mind.

      If he's not found at Castle Black's library reading or producing scrolls at an alarming rate, he must be with his ravens in the tower rookery overlooking and contemplating the changes and troubles of the land. Even though physically absent from most of the raging battles in the world and not as informed as the master of spies (or little birds) he seems to have a knack for sensing important shifts in the world, even across the Narrow Sea.
      He may be old and blind, but considered wise, occasionally grumpy, and capable by many of the Night's Watch. His lineage could have predestined him for true greatness but he, only half willingly, never pursued that.

      On that note, that also means he's the uncle of the Mad King... how about that!

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    3. Either of the above answers are fantastic, because regardless it means that Jester is a man who's forsaken taking a wife, land or children, and spends most of his time brooding in Syndic- I mean, The Wall.

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    4. Jester would be Pyat Pree. On the surface he appears to be helpful and cordial, but he's not to be trusted and clearly has his own nefarious ambitions that everyone suspects but no one can confirm. He is a warlock who uses witchcraft to dazzle, confound, and amaze those of weaker mind, but its -actual- power and usefulness is highly debatable.

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  6. If anyone needs me, I'll be sailing to the Wall to save everyone from death by frost zombie. No thanks needed, just doing my thing ;p

    Great post Jester, lived up to the anticipation

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    1. Glad you guys enjoyed it. Wanted to give you a smile while you were waiting for Xhagen to do his thing.

      Oh! And send me an EVE mail about how that PL fight went down. It looks like a classic crossing of swords between skirmish and anti-skirmish. Is that what happened, or did you get a good warp-in?

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  7. Goddamn, this was hilarious. Very well done. I'd make the argument for myself as Jamie Lannister to an extent (great hair), but OURS IS THE FURY is pretty cool too. By this standard, I've spawned many little CSM's all across EVE that you will have to label someone on CSM8 as Joffrey so he can kill them all off or something. BTW, I'm actually surprised you didn't go with Bron for Alek. :)

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    1. Alek was by far the easiest, though. Stannis fits him soooo well. ;-)

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    2. Bron would have worked terrifically well if I was at Trebor's service. Stannis workes well except I really don't want to be king ;)

      Also, I'm waaaay more sarcastic.

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