Welcome to Jester's Trek.
I'm your host, Jester. I've been an EVE Online player for about six years. One of my four mains is Ripard Teg, pictured at left. Sadly, I've succumbed to "bittervet" disease, but I'm wandering the New Eden landscape (and from time to time, the MMO landscape) in search of a cure.
You can follow along, if you want...

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Cannibal

And now an important message from Jester's evil twin, Garth.  The opinions of Garth are not the opinions of Jester (unless they are).

Attention to all griefers, gankers, ninja mission salvagers, high-sec corp scammers, industrial corp war-dec'ers and all other paragons of true evil of which I am so proud!  There is a CSM candidate that is running on a platform which shall destroy your way of life!  He intends to end your careers in EVE!  He has stated in an interview that this is no troll!  He believes what he says and honestly means to press home all of his proposals!  No more shall your chosen profession be open to you!

This candidate's name is James 315, and if he gets his way, high-sec will be completely emptied of all of your glorious targets and you will have to spend your time in EVE finding an honest occupatio--

What?  What's that you say?  Are you sure?  ...the griefers and gankers want to vote for this person?

Did every evil person in EVE suddenly become a fucking moron?

You people did read his proposals, right?  High-sec emptied of miners!  High-sec emptied of missioners!  No more war-dec targets, no more industrialists, no more juicy fat haulers, no more untanked mining barges... all of this destruction and more shall be rained down upon you!  A New Eden high-sec with no griefing targets!  This is lunacy!

But of course, if James's proposals came to pass, suddenly James would have no power, no influence, and no platform.  Do you think he wants that?  Do you really think he wants that?

Minions, you have become cattle.  Mooooo.  You are following a hypocrite!  I am ashamed of you.

Do you really want this hypocrite representing you in Iceland, or do you want things to stay as they are?  Because if things change, you might have to find real professions and evidence suggests you are not good at them.  Meanwhile, this hypocrite believes that making ISK while AFK is bad... except for moons.  Those are perfectly OK!  Really?!

Evil-doers, you are following a hypocrite!  But I'm sure you will be very happy together.  I must admit to being impressed by James's true evil in deceiving you all so thoroughly.  James 315, I salute you!

Oh, and before all you mining assholes get too fucking smug about all this, think again.  James is right about one thing: know how many successful fleets in EVE are built around one and only one type of ship?  Zero.  Every fleet in EVE has support ships except yours.  You could end the ganks today if your fleet of Retrievers had a single Scorpion loaded with green jammers and heavy neuts among them, and maybe a Scythe or two.  But of course you will never do that because you are dumb.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

The preceding has been an important message from Jester's evil twin, Garth.  The management apologizes to any and all whom Garth may have offended.  It turns out Garth specializes in the three-way, pissing off both sides in an argument.

78 comments:

  1. Sorry, Garth, but we had to burn the village to save it.

    ( snaps lighter shut )

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  2. Now I'm confused - who is this Scorpion going to jam/neut unless it wants die even before the ganker(s)?

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    1. Have you ever tried to interdict a suicide gank Garth/Jester? Basically involves locking a small sig ship dessie asap. Then activating the ECM (chance based!) [b]at the moment the ganker goes GCC[/b]. Act premature and its the ECM pilot which gets Concorded.

      At one stage one of crew was white knighting in a ice belt with a Stealth Bomber plus ECM. Some limited success.

      Delete
    2. Ganker lands in belt in a catalyst or a thorax say. You lock them up in said scorpion, Once they go flashy flashy you drop a neut on them, boom no more cap for guns to use, Hit F1-3 and insta jam. Ganker can no longer finish his gank before concord arrives.

      Delete
    3. Step #1 make sure green safety trigger on green
      Step #2 keep spamming the jamms: it won't let you jam until he goes suspect ( or is already a crimenal )

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    4. Or use an AC Nado. Gank Catalysts are not known for their high EHP.

      Not chance based, as it only takes 2 volleys to pop a typical gank catalyst, Dual-425mm ACs cycle every ~2.8s, and you have a better lock time (for those perfect warp-ins).

      The safety system makes it truly idiot-proof. Thus, claiming that it's hard to not get CONCORDed shooting at Criminals might imply something about you...

      Delete
    5. Above discussion mostly irrelevant. All New Order Knights have security status -10, you can freely attack them anythere in the galaxy, anytime. Still most resistance attempts range from plain moronic to just dumb.

      Delete
    6. Ah, right, the safety system. I have it set to 'red' wherever I go, so I forgot that in 'green' you can now spam your weapons safely. I had a feeling that I was missing something, which is why I formulated my original comment as question.

      But timing appears to me to be critical - react half a second too slow, and the catalyst(s) might not die quick enough.

      Delete
  3. If low/null is the new high sec, where all these targets go, it will be easier for the criminal playerbase of EVE to engage them there. As always Jester, you miss the point entirely. As a long term corp griefer and general villain, I fully support James 315.

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    1. Holy fuck, are you serious? These people aren't going to flock to lo/null en masse. You're even not going to see a majority of them take that road. I doubt you'd see so much as a third or a fifth.

      We are talking about people who looked out into the deep black, saw a hundred thousand ships wreathed in fire, fighting tooth and nail to stake a claim in the unknown, and they said... "No, actually. I think I'd rather put my feet up and have a cup of tea." They decided they'd rather shoot rocks or sit in Jita and scam or blap red crosses in perfect safety.

      There was a time when null genuinely was more lucrative than hi. By factors of three or five or ten, even. And you know what? There were still carebears; they were still the majority.

      For most of them, and I'm not going to say there won't be a few that take the plunge, because there always are, but for most of them, the only place they're going to go if they can't live in hi is out of the game.

      And no, the safety of hi is not and has never been the problem with null. The problem with null is null. The people there, they don't want to fight any more- at least not the way the game wants them to. The sov grind is too hard, too expensive, too dull; they have gotten too comfortable with themselves and each other. This is the long, peaceful 19th century, not the dynamic 18th or the bloody 17th, or the twelve centuries of interminable chaos that preceded them.

      Delete
    2. Then the bloodiest century is yet to come, one that will scorch the whole world and make kings out of arms dealers.

      Delete
  4. You faulted James for assuming the only option players have to resist an unattractive high sec is to move to low sec. You make the same mistake of assuming the only option they will have is to quit. You are BOTH wrong. ALWAY bet on stupid. Targets will exist. If James vision comes to pass, there won't be ridiculously lazy ways to avoid getting butchered, which you oh so love to protect that CCP dollar. The rest of us want interactive engaging, non-afk gameplay. Take Garth back and put him in his cage. Boooo.

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    1. It's a very simple numbers game.

      At the moment say we have a hi-sec that looks like:

      100 carebears
      10 gankers

      Hi-sec changes come into effect, now it looks like:

      20 carebears
      30 gankers

      40 of the carebears rage-quit because the game isn't for them anymore (I'd likely be one of them, so I know of what I speak).
      20 more carebears move to null and join mega alliances to see what all the fuss is about.
      20 more carebears decide to roll with the punches and try out ganking for themselves.


      What effect this has had is:

      Every 1 ganker, you had 10 juicy targets to go for - 1:10. To...
      Every 1 ganker, you have 1.5 juicy targets to go for - 2:3.

      Anyone who's ever gambled would tell you the first option would give a much nicer payout. In this case, that of enjoyment.


      "The rest of us want interactive engaging, non-afk gameplay."
      - You're right, a lot of people do, and they live in null and low-sec. I don't see why you, or anyone else thinks that basically increasing the size of low or null will make anything better.


      You guys are effectively shooting yourselves in the foot by thinking this is a good idea.


      Either way, big picture, I can't see CCP ever putting most of those proposals into effect anyway. One member of the CSM is not the CEO of a multi-million dollar company.

      Delete
    2. You are actually going to use completely fabricated numbers as the basis for an argument? I can just as easily "argue" fictional numbers that support the other side of the proverbial coin, but the figures I claim would be no more valid than yours.

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    3. Numbers are made up, but the point is still valid. It's projection, an estimate. Are you saying that all fabricated numbers are worthless? Financial projections from Apple are worthless by your logic.

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    4. apples financial projections ARE worthless by any logic.
      so are their legal practices - small company has a great new idea, they stole it from apple" apple has the best new thing since sliced bread, then tries to claim how they thought of it first all by themselves.
      That was a dumb example.
      Just like afk/bot mining is.

      Delete
  5. I knew Gevlon was a retard with the exception of some basic math skills and an exceptional ability for mindless mouse clicking, but that post really takes the cake. He really is just a massive troll right? Otherwise if he really believes what he writes why does he waste his time with EvE? Though that would be fitting with the retard hypothesis.

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    1. Unfortunately, I don't think he is intelligent enough to troll. I have been following his blog since WoW days, not anymore though.

      He made his gold/ISK by loads of grinding. Usual player just doesn't have stamina for that.

      Delete
    2. From his posts(his latest in particular is interesting), it looks like he's a lot more goal focused than other people. Most people want to tell their stories, hang out with people, get gud fites, whatever, Gevlon wants to win EVE and he's defined that by the slightly specific goal or kill ISK or ISK generated and then posting his ideas to confirm himself.

      I can sort of see it as an intellectual challenge. He doesn't aim to play the game as much as break it. In his latest post he talked about camping for the entire round of counterstrike and there is an interesting puzzle to solve in finding the highest ISK rate etc. But whats odd is normally that sort of thinking is a trap for a people and at some point they'll realise they want to have fun, whatever, and do that instead, but Gevlon understands and chooses to 'win' over having fun.

      It's different enough that it'd be a terrible idea to base decisions off stuff he says, but at least he's right in that hopefully a good game lets the 'winning' path also be the most fun

      Delete
    3. @Anonymous, March 7, 2013 at 12:13 AM: I don't think you're reading the same blog as the rest of us. One of the Greedy Goblin's basic tenets is efficiency that maximizes gold (or ISK) per hour for minimal effort. I think you would agree that grinding is the last thing that qualifies as either "efficient" or "minimal effort".

      Delete
  6. That link was a thing of beauty.

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  7. "You could end the ganks today if your fleet of Retrievers had a single Scorpion loaded with green jammers and heavy neuts among them, and maybe a Scythe or two."

    How exactly is this supposed to work?

    You can't jam or neut the gankers, until *after* they have opened fire (unless you want to be the one getting Concordokken'd). And, even with sebos, you probably won't get a lock on a single dessie, before the gank is already done. You might as well suggest using an ECM Burst.

    And, let's not forget the fact that even if you do manage to jam/neut one of the dessies, this makes it open season on your Scorp, giving the gankers even more to laugh about.

    Clearly, Garth has no more actual hands-on experience with ganking than Jester does... lol.

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    1. You assume that gankers are volleying the target(like say with nados) which they aren't.

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    2. With four sebos a scorpion can get a lock time of 4.6 seconds, according to my trusty EFT. That is certainly enough to screw up a lean gank. OTOH, the NO has a lot of gankers and if they know you are out there in a scorpion, they'll just go to some other belt. There are lots of belts.

      Delete
    3. "And, let's not forget the fact that even if you do manage to jam/neut one of the dessies, this makes it open season on your Scorp, giving the gankers even more to laugh about."

      Wrong. Shooting someone who is criminally flagged does not give you a Suspect, LE, or Criminal flag, so nobody can legally shoot you.

      So... about that hands on experience...

      Delete
    4. "OTOH, the NO has a lot of gankers and if they know you are out there in a scorpion, they'll just go to some other belt."

      And leave the ships the scorpion is protecting alone. Hm. Sounds like mission accomplished to me ...

      Delete
    5. This whole comment just screams of WRONG.

      Delete
    6. "OTOH, the NO has a lot of gankers and if they know you are out there in a scorpion, they'll just go to some other belt."

      Mission accomplished then? You just won the fight without even pulling the trigger.

      Delete
    7. @Ed - you've never fit or flown a Cat, have you? We're not talking alpha; we're talking about the amount of damage which can be laid down in the 5 or so seconds before Concord shows up, or in the 4.6 seconds (see below) before your Scorp gets a lock.

      @Von - 4.6 seconds isn't fast enough. Cats can take down a mining ship in less than 4 seconds. In a borderline case, you just bring a few more Cats.

      @Ruby - Most professional gankers, incl. many NO pilots, are -10 already. -10 pilots don't really need to worry about criminal flags for illegal actions.

      @tMmM! and Chris - More likely they will just kill the Scorp. A solo Scorp is an easy kill.

      Delete
    8. @ Anon3/7at2:32 - Not so easy as that ... but even so, if they engage the Scorp, they're likely NOT engaging the mining barges as well but a ready and aware BS, and a good fight ensues. This is still win ... for both sides.

      Delete
  8. The problem with forcing all those carebears out into lowsec is that you have to follow them out into lowsec to blow them up.

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  9. CSM Election PvP! Bring it on! :)

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  10. Posting in alter-ego mode is not befitting of a CSM candidate in my opinion, especially when said posting involved smear campaign tactics.

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    Replies
    1. Wait till he pulls this Jekyll and Hyde routine on the CSM. They might have to restrain him.

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    2. Jesus, you guys are getting desperate.

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    3. That may work as a general rule, but in this case, there was a specific request for Garth's opinion on the topic. So blame should properly lie with the stupid scrub who asked the question, not the candidate who answered it.

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    4. Amen, MC. @ Anon3/6at5:22 ... you DO realize he was specifically ASKED to, yes?

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    5. Jester was originally asked to write a response to this both as Ripard AND Garth...

      Read: https://forums.eveonline.com/default.aspx?g=posts&m=2672808#post2672808

      And: http://jestertrek.blogspot.co.uk/2013/03/angels-and-demons.html


      Guess you would've already known that if you weren't here just trollololing around.

      Delete
    6. Chill. We asked for a Garth post, and we got one.

      Delete
    7. "Anonymous March 6, 2013 at 8:08 PM
      Wait till he pulls this Jekyll and Hyde routine on the CSM. They might have to restrain him."

      What are you scared of: Garth throwing a spoon at someone or getting drunk & telling someone to off themselves :D

      Delete
    8. I don't think there's anything wrong with posting in alter-ego mode as a CSM candidate, but if there were, the fact that someone specifically asked him to do so would be completely irrelevant.

      "Son, why did you rob that bank?"

      "Because a stranger on the internet asked me to do it"

      "..."

      ????

      Profit.

      Delete
    9. You heard it here first, folks. Garth post = bank robbery. ;-)

      Delete
    10. Robbing a bank is not befitting of a CSM candidate in my opinion, especially when said bank contained all my hard-earned ISKies.

      Delete
  11. 1) Scorpion *locks* Catalysts *before* they start shooting.
    2) Catalysts start shooting gank target, earning flag.
    3) Scorp THEN jamzorz them until the floating space guns arrive.

    Add Scimi's to keep up Barges and Scorp when retaliation tries to come around... easy-peasy.

    Of course, all of this assumes a few things that will never ever happen.
    A) Catalysts dumb enough to attack such a fleet instead of finding easier targets...
    B) Miners actually, you know, TANKING their ships.
    C) Miners actually being ballsy enough to fight back.

    On the one hand, I find James315 and the New Order obnoxious, but on the other hand if they get miners to HTFU and stop botting/AFKing then the ends may justify the means. MAY.

    James and Jester both for CSM8...

    ps: I'm also convinced that Gevlon may = James315. Has anyone seen them in the same room together?

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    1. I doubt Gevlon would go in for politics in that way. If he did presumably he'd be calculating on the efficiency of the changes he's likely to get made versus time spent and I can't believe the CSM is influential enough to satisfy when he could find a candidate with similar views and campaign on his behalf. That there are two people with radical ideas about high sec, doesn't surprise me

      Delete
    2. listen to James315 Zebra interview he sounds more like mittens with a voice modulator or a shitty mic.

      Then again this is EVE I wouldn't put it past James315 purposely making himflef sound like mittens :D

      Delete
    3. James 315 is an extremely old player; if you go back 5-6 years in his history, he was making the same meandering windbag rants that he does today... except that they were about BoB. :)

      In comparison, Gevlon's a relatively recent convert to Eve.

      But, frankly, the bigger issue is that James 315 is smart but misguided. Gevlon, otoh, is a moron.

      Delete
    4. the argument against tanking is that while itll deter some, not everyone will be. Those for tears will simply just get more friends to gank on the same target as well so there really is no point in some people eye. Instead of spending isk on tank, they spend it for yield because they figure they could make more isk even if they get ganked due to the bonus's in yield if i get that right

      Delete
    5. Can you jam catalysts while being AFK? Because being able to play while AFK is a crucial part of being a high-sec miner and forcing them to the keyboard would be against the spirit of sandbox.

      Garth is right that emptying highsec from targets would make griefing impossible. But consider the possibility that gankers aren't griefers by heart, they grief because there isn't anything else to do. Well they could move to Syndicate and PvP the hard way for 1/100 amount of kills.

      Delete
  12. Awesome post.

    James315 is a fucking moron.

    AFK mining in hi-sec is not killing eve, and neither is the suicide ganking.

    We don't need to further validate his stupidity with continued conversation.

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    Replies
    1. +1 Tiye Q

      I really am amused how some people call Eve a sandbox but yet if carebear pilots don’t play the game the way those same people want them to play then the carebear pilots are playing Eve all wrong. Trying to get carebears to move out to low/null so that James315 and friends can have more “soft targets” to shoot would be like moving all of America’s civilian population to Europa during WWII. WWII would not have been won without the civilian population of America supporting the war effort form north America. So instead of spending all his time trying to figure out how to get carebears out to low/null maybe James315 (and friends) should try growing a pair and take on Sov.

      Delete
    2. Or maybe we should just continue ganking miners and harvesting high quality tears like yours?

      Delete
  13. James315 is just a flash in the pan.. the problem is he is bent over holding a Bic in order to get that flash...and that's the same place all his Real Talk comes from.

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    1. I only know a bic as a men's razor, but....

      James315 is not a flash in the pan, unfortunately. He's been around a while, longer than I would consider a flash. Maybe his strong following will be, but I'd bet against it. The quickest way to extinguish this would probably be his election to the CSM, and then watching CCP laugh his suggestions out of the room.
      -Bantara

      Delete
    2. LOL I'm such an old fart, a "Bic" was (is) the ubiquitous cigarette lighter during the 70s and 80s... and yes, I know HE is not NEW... and actually neither are his tired of arguments... but his Movement is new and he has just dressed up the old arguments in new fancy clothes and he does have a certain charisma... but then again so did Hitler... and I do not use that reference lightly... Hitler DID have a charisma and a way of speaking and rallying people to his cause irregardless of how foolish and idiotic it was at the core... very similar to J315... and someone else we know so well...

      And DAMN I almost hope he gets a seat.... just to watch him get thrown off.

      of course there is this.. I personally, having listened to his Crossing Zebra's interview... twice all the way through... I would swear that is a voice changer and not a bad mic... I cannot help but wonder if Alexander misses the limelight so badly he'd troll us all this deeply just to recapture some of that old glory...

      Delete
    3. ring ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding

      I knew it wasn't a real Internet thread until James315 got compared to Hitler :D

      That said listen to James315's cadence it does sound alot like mittens but James315 does seem to have some different views about moon goo & incursions ( unless mittens previous views were just a sham)

      Delete
    4. Not old enough.

      Bic began manufacturing pens and pencil parts in France in 1945. It was not till the mid '70 that they branched out into lighters and shavers. The Bic pen was a ubiquitous mainstay for business writing up to the present day; there are Bic pens in the office supplies where I work right now.

      Oh yeah . . . and tell James315 that industrialists work on narrow margins and risk is the enemy. If you make it impossible to do business, they will leave. And by the way, isn't Something Awful all about breaking any game they get into?

      Delete
    5. Ah yes, the lighter. I had forgotten about that. Now your first post makes sense to me...

      It only adds to the Mittens/J315 conspiracy that J315 hasn't posted his real name yet. (Right?)

      Delete
  14. "Did every evil person in EVE suddenly become a fucking moron?"

    Love it when Garth comes out to play.

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  15. Ooooh this Garth guy sure is entertaining, great stuff, and especially loved the link. Keep on and please hang on to both garth and jester when you enter CSM.
    You have my votes
    Caras

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  16. Great read. I'm looking forward to working with Garth on CSM8. Our opinions may not be popular but someone has to take the opposing viewpoint. I will continue to represent the "carebears" regardless of what other candidates may say about me.

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  17. every evil person did not become a moron, just a lot of morons playing at being evil tbh

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  18. Enjoyable read which provided many chuckles. Garth is certainly well positioned to see the flip side of James_315's development proposals.

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  19. Although you make a good point, it also seems a bit hypocritic to let your "evil alter ego" criticise your competitor.

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  20. I do agree with you Jester and I also think James is one dumb f*k
    anyway you got one thing right and one thing wrong when it comes down to mining.

    If your running a fleet of miners why use a Scorpion

    Why not put a tank on your mining ship?

    when (seldom) I solo mining ice (on my alt) I do it in a Skiff near 90k EHP. with a orca booster in a pos. Sure its not as efficent as the Mackinaw for solo play or as efficent as the Hulk for a ongrid Orca hauler.

    the cargo hold on a skiff is 15k (15 iceblock)
    while on a mac its 35k I would say 15 is enough when im running in fleet with my main. and the % loss for using a skiff instead of a Mac isn't that bad since you get faster cycles with is also better when protecting your self against bumpers.

    the cylce time on a iceharvester with my fit is ~64.3s with perfect on both chars
    compared to max yeild (Mack) is 2x 106.5s

    so roughly the time it takes to generate 6x blocks of ice is
    Skiff: 385.8 s
    Mack: 319,5 s (with perfect skills)

    Consider the following

    you run 6 accounts 1 orca in a pos 5 ice miners in the belt.
    now if you exchange one ship for Ewar or logi you will lose out on 1/5 of the yield then its better to put a tank on the ship.




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  21. As an active HiSec miner, I am missing the threat of real solo gankers. If it gets more boring, not sure if I will stay.

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  22. Garth you twat!
    I read this line "Because if things change, you might have to find real professions and evidence suggests you are not good at them", clicked the link and promptly spat out my coffee in a fit of laughter. Keyboard / monitor is now in a right state.
    Still, more from you please Garth. I shall not be drinking coffee next time.

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  23. if James's proposals came to pass, suddenly James would have no power, no influence, and no platform

    Garth, do you know what an "admission against interest" is? Look it up. Yes, James 315 is proposing changes that would basically eliminate the New Order. How can it be? Can there be an honest man? I am sure you would say no. But what would Jester say?

    The fact that gankers support James is interesting, is it not? As Garth, I am sure you just conclude that most of the most experienced players in the game are fucking morons.

    But let me suggest a different conclusion, for more reasonable men than you: the gankers believe that 315's ideas would pay off for them in some way. What is that? Well, you'd have to actually try to understand what James 315 is talking about to know. But you don't, and obviously you're an unreasonable man, who won't bother. But more reasonable men might. Let me refer the eggheads to my entry in the last entry about James. If you do not know what the PVP food chain is, or you don't understand it, then all you will be able to see is fucking morons.

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    Replies
    1. Null-sec is killing null-sec. Stop blaming The Others.
      -Bantara

      Delete
  24. the problem with bringing that scorpion is that it will draw in more gankers, not deter them. The gankers will simply bring something to bump it out of range of the gank. Or they'll ham IT. It will quickly turn into an arms race and all of a sudden you're trying to run a mining fleet and a combat fleet, who won't be particularly happy about sitting around a high sec belt all day. That's the problem with suggestions about "protecting" high sec bears with combat fleets. It looks good on paper, but you still have to convince someone to sit around doing nothing. And who pays these guys? Where do they get their isk? As for your sandbox loving alter ego, he says in a sandbox everyone should have at least the opportunity to pursue their play style. Solo players don't make for good fleets, know what I'm saying?

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  25. James makes real bittervets look bad. What a worthless moron he is.

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  26. Damn, it's hard to choose the best line of this post, and not due to lack of good ones.

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  27. Oh man, this is NOT the post I was expecting. Kudos for the surprise and the laughs. Here's hoping for more Garth posts in the future.

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