Welcome to Jester's Trek.
I'm your host, Jester. I've been an EVE Online player for about six years. One of my four mains is Ripard Teg, pictured at left. Sadly, I've succumbed to "bittervet" disease, but I'm wandering the New Eden landscape (and from time to time, the MMO landscape) in search of a cure.
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Monday, January 27, 2014

In memoriam: KaTurN

The members of Rote Kapelle learned today that one of our long-time members, KaTurN, took his own life in the days leading up to Christmas after a battle with depression. I flew with him often, though not as often as I would have liked because his TZ was slightly before mine. Still, we occasionally traded off Loki-flying duties in armor fleets and both of us had an amusingly unexplainable love for the Typhoon Fleet Issue.

His forum sig demonstrated his good taste in bad movies

He was a really good guy... ex-military with a really fun sense of humor. We had just started to wonder what had happened to him when we finally heard. As you can imagine, it's hitting us hard. One of Rote's FCs made a really nice video tribute to him (slightly NSFW here and there and we've already trolled him gently about the spelling errors):

RIP, Kat.


  1. Depression is a horrible black dog to have to live with. Jester, it might be worth pointing people at I had a black dog, his name was Depression from the World Health Organization.

    RIP, KaTurn.

    1. Here's a post from Hyperbole and A Half, "Depression Part Two". Allie describes what it's like to have depression, which is very helpful because if you feel that what she's describing sounds a lot like where your life is right now, it would be a great idea to seek help right now.

  2. Depression is no joke, and suicide is forever. I'm very sorry for your loss.

  3. May his soul find tranquility beyond our realm.

    RIP KaTurN

  4. My brother is currently in hospital with severe depression and psychosis. I just broke down watching this, To anyone out there who feels like shit, please, get help. Thanks for posting.

  5. ah, Hello emotions, please to get smacked by you. :( RIP

  6. RIP Internet Stranger o7. I wish I could have known you. Everyone please remember there is help! Depression is temporary, but suicide is forever. Jester, if I may ask how did you guys find out? I'll be praying for you, Katurn, and your loved ones. God bless.

  7. Rest in peace, Katurn.

    I have suffered from severe depression for years. It's not an exaggeration to say that I have lost years of my life to it. The only thing that has kept me going was the promise I made to myself: I would never commit suicide.

    Year and half ago I stumbled on BDI-21 test and did it. I got 46 points out of 63, which got me thinking that no, this is not normal state to be and yes, I should do something about it. So, I took a big step and sought help. And I got it. I have medication that works, though the first one had too big side effects and had to be switched to another (from SNRI to SSRI). Medication has been the crutch that I needed to get myself moving and working on getting myself better. I have therapy that works. I can talk with my therapist on anything. I have had my medical and dental problems sorted out, as well as professional stuff. The stress was reduced and I managed to get more and more done - and getting things completed lifted my mood. On top of all this, my family and friends were very supportive. I got to realize that there were more people to help me than I ever realized. I just had to ask.

    Anyway. I am grateful to everyone who helped, big or small. I am also happy that I made that promise to myself and I never broke it like I have broken so many other promises (and still do). All this has made given me resolve to help others.

  8. My sympathies, Jester

  9. Sheesh that is powerful.
    So sad..RIP my fellow capsuleer.
    Jai Kedrick

  10. I too have lost a friend to depression and suicide. What hurts the most even now years later was not seeing it coming at all. It is a huge hit to morale to learn that a flagship personality has folded under a strain you never knew existed.
    I'll never really understand, but things like this help:

  11. Sad to hear you lost a friend, esp under such tragic circumstances :(


  12. We lost Hao Wu from MINC last year to the same issue. Sad, really. May you find solace in the memories.

  13. I am very sad to learn of this. May he rest in peace.

  14. Only time i met you:


    o7 mate.

  15. Always horrible when someone feels they have nowhere else to turn. Even worse, being former military. Katurn, I knew you not in life, but you were my brother nonetheless.

    "We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
    For he today that sheds his blood with me
    Shall be my brother."

  16. RIP o7

    always hard when someone goes, and when it's from depression it's even worse.

  17. Here's the vid from last night's memorial fleet:



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