Welcome to Jester's Trek.
I'm your host, Jester. I've been an EVE Online player for about six years. One of my four mains is Ripard Teg, pictured at left. Sadly, I've succumbed to "bittervet" disease, but I'm wandering the New Eden landscape (and from time to time, the MMO landscape) in search of a cure.
You can follow along, if you want...

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

By the way, sweet-cheeks, I'm real too.

And now an important message from Jester's evil twin, Garth.  The opinions of Garth are not the opinions of Jester (unless they are).

This message is for the CCP Web Team: do you guys have fucking sand for brains or what?  What does it take to get fired from the CCP Web Team?  Do you have to go straight to the ritual murder of CCP management, or would a lesser offense suffice?

No, I'm not even talking about the Great YAF Forums Debacle of 2011.  That was bad enough.  I'm talking about straight-forward incompetence, coupled with the inability to see even a tiny portion of the big picture.  That's right: I'm talking about eveisreal.net.

This website was a fantastic idea!  It makes total sense to have a website about EVE player stories.  The stories behind EVE were what brought a lot of us into the game to begin with.  So, bravo for the attempt to try to capture that.  But how you've implemented it?  Oi.

Let's start with the basics: why would you create a website for EVE "stories" without making the database search-able?  Guys, the very definition of the word "database" includes the concept of easy access.  But eveisreal.net eschews that in favor of a system where -- if you find something that you like -- good luck ever finding it ever again unless you manually make copies of the link to it yourself.  That.  Is.  Brain-damaged.

That's assuming you can find something cool to look at in the first place, what with the ridiculous overlapping tile user interface, combined with the tiny tiny preview image and the lack of visible associated text.  And because even a tiny tiny preview image might actually convey helpful information, if someone is dumb enough to actually hover their mouse over it, the tiny tiny preview image is replaced by a random digital hash.  Guys, you've managed to do the impossible with this one: you've created a user interface that makes EVE's look good.  And once you pick something to look at, it's pretty unlikely that the image you'll look at actually looks as good on the eveisreal site as it does when it was submitted.  Because when you enlarge an image, what you get is an aliased, pixelated mess.

At this point, even I am starting to feel sorry for the poor idiots that submitted stuff to this site.  Truly, the evil of the CCP Web Team doth eclipse my own.

But these issues do not compare to the Godzilla of eveisreal's flaws, the true and glorious master-stroke of incompetence and inability to see the big picture: why oh why oh why would you create a compilation of EVE's stories that you can't view from within EVE's own web browser?  Let me make sure I have this right: in order to be impressed with a lot of stories about EVE, I have to stop playing EVE?  How much beer do you have to drink before this sounds like a good idea?

So, I repeat: what does it take to get fired from the CCP Web Team?  'cause I'm thinking it's about time to -- as the corporate boys put it -- "execute a personnel-related action."

Garth out!

The preceding has been an important message from Jester's evil twin, Garth.  The management apologizes to any and all whom Garth may have offended.  But when Garth "executes a personnel-related action", he takes the word "execute" more seriously than most.


  1. No kidding!
    It is terrible and frustrating to use. Why on earth would a potential EvE player go to that site rahter than searching on youtube? smaller video's? grainer pic's? Wierd thumbnail views?

    What makes this even worse is that this is for non eve players to get them excited to play eve...after looking at the site I want to puke...not subscribe.

    With the new player experiance and incarna push to be noob friendly to botch this is a big deal. CCP wants new players to get into EvE... and this is what they use?

  2. You're missing the point.

    "if it looks good, it is good"
    Hilmar Veigar Pétursson

  3. Except, Anonymous, it doesn't even look good.

    CCP is veering into situation comedy territory now, I fear...

  4. The weird part is that they have a search function. It just doesn't show up unless your monitor has a high vertical resolution without scrolling to the bottom. By the looks of it, the designer for that site didn't factor in laptop displays and other screens that are wide but not very tall [mine is only 1366x768], nor older monitors.

    To reach the search function, scroll down past the eye-candy flash thingamajig visualizer and click on the Image Contest or the Video Contest tabs. Sadly, because the order of the images and videos changes fairly randomly, to get back to an image you have to bookmark its url or locally save it.


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