Welcome to Jester's Trek.
I'm your host, Jester. I've been an EVE Online player for about six years. One of my four mains is Ripard Teg, pictured at left. Sadly, I've succumbed to "bittervet" disease, but I'm wandering the New Eden landscape (and from time to time, the MMO landscape) in search of a cure.
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Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Cute furry troll

You know all those Star Wars and Star Wars-esque games that have "Light Side" and "Dark Side" meters for your character?  Let's play a speculative little game for the next two days looking at the Light Side and Dark Side of the relationship between the Drone Russian Federation and the Goonswarm Federation.  Today, we'll look at the Light Side.

Over the past couple of days, there's been a cute little pair of graphics making the rounds.  They refer to an imaginary entity called the "DCF", the Drone Clusterfuck Federation.  The joke started on September 16 when Mittens Tweeted the following:
TheMittani i.imgur.com/WCkzW.jpg - I'm strangely comfortable with it. #tweetfleet #eveonline
In case the graphic gets pulled down at some future point, I've saved a copy of it that you can look at.

The graphic depicts the Drone Russian bloc and the Goonswarm/Test Alliance bloc as a combined super-power controlling something like 70% of null-sec space.  The rest of null-sec space was designated as either "future territory" to be conquered or "farming areas" for the obvious remaining null-sec carebears.  In short, it seemed to depict an imminent to-be-announced alliance that would be used to crush the few remaining parts of null not already under the control of the bloc.  This was an obvious troll, but Mittens and others had fun with it.  There was such a hysterical whining response about it on Twitter and various other EVE fora from people that have trouble distinguishing trolls from reality, that Mittens tweeted two days later:
TheMittani This DCF troll has already caused such a monsoon of tears that we may have to do it ~for realz~. #tweetfleet #eveonline

A day or two later, the graphic reproduced at left appeared, in both English and Russian versions.

Guess what?  It's still a troll.  In fact, on Twitter myself yesterday, I characterized it as not any ordinary troll, but "a cute, furry troll: you know, the pencil-top ones with the big purple hair."  (Mittens's response: "heh".)  But it's again causing a hysterical response from a whole host of people either freaking out about it, or flat-out stating that this is the real deal.  The real Oliver Stones looking at this graphic are even spending time trying to convince me that this is some sort of CSM-sponsored plot to roll all of null-sec under one banner so that they can use it to prove to CCP that null-sec is broken, or somesuch nonsense.

And you think I wear a tin-foil hat sometimes.  ;-)

Now, granted, Goonswarm and the DRF have a long-standing friendly relationship going all the way back to the Redswarm Federation and the early fights against Band of Brothers.  They're natural friends both by personality (to this day, both groups somewhat consider themselves as down-trodden under-dogs, and let that spin around your brain for a minute) and inclination: both alliances are conquerors using similar "death or glory" tactics, though of course in different ship classes these days.  But this friendship has only advanced to actual military alliance in times of threat or need.  The rest of the time, DRF and GSF are inclined to ignore each other due to their average time zone differences.

Still, though, the best lies have a core of truth.

And the truth here is that the vast bulk of what's in the cute furry troll graphic is true:
  • Goonswarm's allies and the DRF's allies do control 70% or so of conquerable space in EVE Online.
  • There are tens of thousands of pilot characters in the combined alliances.
  • They do have a thousand or more super-caps between them.
  • They do control hundreds and hundreds of high-value moons.
  • Most of the other direct facts in the graphic are probably true, too.

They're just not starting a military alliance over it.  ;-)  The only part of the graphic that's an obvious lie is the reference to a "phase one" to take over another 15% or so of null-sec.  Goonswarm and the DRF aren't going to ally with the express purpose of taking over every part of null-sec.

But for all practical purposes, I'll be damned if I can see the difference between that and what they are doing.  Null-sec is as stagnant as it's ever been in the four years or so that I've been playing EVE Online.  Unless I'm completely wrong, they're not going to attack each other.  Nobody in their right mind is going to attack them.  Yeah, yeah, "Winter is coming" but other than maybe GS harassing NC Reloaded a bit more, what's going to change in the current status quo when it does?

So yeah, the graphic is a cute, furry troll.  But the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man was cute too, and it stepped on a church without really meaning to do so.

Tomorrow, something a little more Dark Side.


  1. Politics do grind on. That the DRF and vassals will remain sated once the last scraps of -A- space have been chewed and swallowed seems unlikely. Soon enough the diners will start looking around for the next course. You'll note PL has wisely left the dining room.

    Imho, Mittens is temporizing, hoping he can continue to appear the least appetizing entree until (and in hopes) the Winter Supercapital Nerf® changes the table setting to a cutlery set more favorable to the Goons.

  2. I agree that the CSM conspiracy thing is laughable.

    Seriously, who needs a situation where _one_ mega alliance controls most of nullsec to prove a point to CCP when we already have a situation where _two_ mega alliances control most of known nullsec to prove that point quite well enough?

  3. "both alliances are conquerors using similar "death or glory" tactics, though of course in different ship classes these days."

    Good one!

  4. Sure, the 'DCF' part is a troll, but the NIPs aren't.

    I think the Freeport Delve/Interstellar Space NIP part of the troll is very real, people are just fed up with Sov and in part this a cry to CCP to fix that.

  5. Even though it's an obvious troll, the truths in that graphic are hysterically funny. More proof that broken null-sec is broken. But it did make me laugh :))

  6. I blogged on this today, apparently a day later than you, but I had the opportunity to read the State of GSF from Endie before posting.

    The Freeport Delve is a legitimate action, the CFC is mobilizing fleets to either Freeport Delve or convince the residents to Freeport.

    The rest is a brilliant troll, with a frightening drop of potential in it, hence my rambling blogpost.

    BTW, glad you came back in full, Riptard. Nice to see you writing about EVE before they shut the servers down in frustration ;)


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