Welcome to Jester's Trek.
I'm your host, Jester. I've been an EVE Online player for about six years. One of my four mains is Ripard Teg, pictured at left. Sadly, I've succumbed to "bittervet" disease, but I'm wandering the New Eden landscape (and from time to time, the MMO landscape) in search of a cure.
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Sunday, May 27, 2012

Emorage Assistant to the Kill of the Week

Courtesy of one of my old alliance-mates in LAWN, I bring you a step-by-step guide to losing nine billion ISK.

Step one: rat in a ridiculously, ludicrously over-pimped Machariel.

Step two: fail to pay attention to Pure Blind's excellent intel channel.  Seriously, I spent a lot of time in PB and the intel you get in this channel couldn't be much better.  I find it really difficult to believe that it's degraded that much, particularly since when I roam there with Rote Kapelle occasionally, everyone else seems to dock up without any problems.

Step three: fail to pay attention to Local and get tackled, probably by a Dramiel.  This is not a particularly good Mach fit, but it arguably aligns faster than a Dramiel these days.  It certainly aligns faster than anything else in that gang.  To say there's no excuse for getting tackled like this is understating the case by a good bit.  But even if you are tackled, those are (tech2!) Medium Shield bots in the drone bay where the EC drones should have been.  That's a pretty glorious amount of dumb right there.

Step four: die in ridiculously, ludicrously over-pimped Machariel.  3.5 billion ISK gone.  Note that Sabre on the kill.  He'll become important in a moment.  Fortunately for the Mach pilot, though, he wasn't really on his game for this first kill because the pilot should have lost his pod, too.

Step five: emorage.

Step six: fail to note that you've died to NCdot, who these days arguably have more super-caps than sub-caps.

Step seven: undock in ridiculously over-pimped Archon.  Support over-pimped Archon with ridiculously over-pimped Chimera with one Tech1 Armored Warfare Link, no Capital Armor reppers, and only one Capital Energy Transfer.  Yeah, I'm pretty sure you can see where this is going, but stay with me.

Step eight: talk friend into undocking in Scorpion with all red jammers because most of their DPS is Minmatar.

Step nine: aggress on and kill annoying Kitsune.

Step ten: get hot-dropped on by nine super-caps.

Step eleven: die in ridiculously over-pimped Chimera.  Two billion ISK gone.  Die in ridiculously over-pimped Archon.  2.5 billion ISK gone.  Hear about friend dying in Scorpion.

Step twelve: concentrate on getting Archon pod away.  Lose Chimera Crystal pod which you use in your ratting Tengu (and which you had no business undocking in for this) to Sabre.  One billion ISK gone.

Step thirteen: when in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.

Step fourteen: begin progression down the five stages of grief.

Step fifteen: have allied pilot ask "Is the op over?"  "I have seventeen mil.  Can I help?"

Congratulations to NCdot!  That's quite a fourteen minutes you had there.  ;-)


  1. Fucking hilarious.

  2. Step sixteen: Buy three new pimp mobiles straight from wallet. Afer all this game still throws money at you from every direction, doubly so in Guristas space.

  3. wow. I'm glad to see that when I lose a ship, that I come nowhere CLOSE to failing this utterly hard.

  4. Funniest thing is the friendly drones on the scorpion kill mail...

  5. How do you put that much deadspace stuff on a Mach but fail to lay out for T2 rigs?

    1. Or faction ammo.... >.>

    2. He was ratting, I would assume. Usually doesn't make economic sense to rat with faction ammo.

  6. so that's about $175 down the drain...

    guess Blister didn't plan on that kind of a day ;)

  7. If he decides to rage quit, can I have his stuff?


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