Welcome to Jester's Trek.
I'm your host, Jester. I've been an EVE Online player for about six years. One of my four mains is Ripard Teg, pictured at left. Sadly, I've succumbed to "bittervet" disease, but I'm wandering the New Eden landscape (and from time to time, the MMO landscape) in search of a cure.
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Sunday, January 6, 2013

QOTW: Teat down everything you own

As I think I've mentioned, one of my favorite alliances living in Syndicate is Clockwork Pineapple (DROOG).  These guys are fun to shoot at, fun to set up prearranged equal-size brawls with, and they're very occasionally fun to link up with.  We do that on occasion when either one of us encounters something bigger than we can take on on our own.  Both of our alliances can put a decent small gang in space, but between us, we can put a decent mid-size gang in space.  It helps quite a bit that we have similar time zones and similar inclinations.

And this is kind of scary given that much of Clockwork Pineapple are sort of a splinter group of Goonswarm.  Probably says all sorts of things about me that I don't want to analyze at this time, heh.  Still, I've been on both DROOG comms and Goon comms and there's no contest about which at least somewhat kinda sorta tries to be disciplined.  Sorry Goons, but it ain't you.  ;-)

Anyway, because of their shared history, Goonswarm Federation actually normally has Clockwork Pineapple set blue.  This doesn't bother DROOG all that much, particularly when the Goons deploy to Syndicate.  So GROON asked for a temporary reset while there were Goons in Syndicate.  More things to shoot, right?  Goon diplomacy would technically approve, right?  Only it seems that not all the Goons got the message.

So this past week a GROON fleet shot the hell out of a Goon fleet, destroying an expensive Machariel, a couple of dictors, a Cynabal, and various other debris.  And the Goon FC was rather annoyed.  For this reason, that Machariel was very nearly KOTW, but got beaten pretty handily as it turned out.  But let's stick to the Mach pilot, and just go to the tape:
[03:50:46] KIATolon > say goodbye to all your assets
[03:50:52] Teantis > lol
[03:50:57] Teantis > you mean our asset
[03:50:59] Meaple > SBU the oh wait
[03:54:46] KIATolon > you say that like I'm not going to teat down everything you own
Later that evening, the CTA was put out on Goon Mumble, including this little gem (edited slightly):
Please get your shit sorted to shoot groon because I will shut them down. I don't want any groon aggressing anything ever, without fear of us killing everything they've ever owned.
To again answer the eternal EVE question, he mad.  ;-)

Needless to say, to fear for all of your assets, you've got to have some assets and people living in Syndicate -- by definition -- have none.  Everyone involved got on somethingawful.com and GROON in particular were ready to have a little fun with it.  So this was threatening to become a massive forum war between two entities that pride themselves on their posting abilities but little else.  ;-)  Sadly though, it turned into a tempest in a teapot.  As my alliance-mate Namamai put it:
TLDR: Everyone points and laughs at Suas for getting butthurt after losing a fight with someone who's technically neutral. Suas gets a night's sleep and chillaxes. Drama lasts all of a few hours, despite the best attempts of some J4G scrubs to keep the drama going. Best poast of the whole thing -- "Mr. Gorbachev, teat down this wall."

And of course pBump and the rest of Clockwork Pineapple have responded by going out and looking for Goons to shoot...

I do enjoy a good bit of small-bore spaceship drama, and it was good for a quote.  gf, DROOG, gf.  ;-)


  1. Goon teats, best teats! Sorry, couldn't resist :-P

  2. Teat down all the things!

  3. Edited slightly means removing seventeen instances of the "N-word."

  4. I am confused. GROON or DROOG ???

    1. Clockwork Pineapple [droog] = alliance

      the greater goon [groon] = corp

  5. All your teat belong to us!!1!!1!


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